HOT?

On sale at a children's store. Holiday songs and carols sung by a very creepy bird lady. I don't like it. Not one bit.

STRAIGHT PIMPIN'

I don't know what you heard about me but I'm a mother-fuc*ing P. I. M. P.

Thanks CMcKee.

JUST WHAT YOU ALWAYS NEEDED

In case you can't read what's on the this... thing:

Smencils - Gourmet SCENTED Pencils

This one was orange. Thanks Toys R Us.

MORGUE

I feel like sleeping in public is dangerous, be it on the train, in a restaurant, or at the mall, as pictured here. It's especially dangerous to sleep in public if you look like a corpse. And what about the second guy? He was walking by, saw a man passed out on a chair, and thought, "You know what, that's an excellent idea."

BOXCAR DELIGHTS

Hobo Beans: the maple flavoured jelly bean. Why anyone would think hobos taste like maple is beyond me.

Here they are in the display box. Notice that there are some missing. And what do we have under the display box?

Why, it's Bacon Beans, the bacon flavoured jelly bean.

And just to be sassy, there's also Bacon Gumballs. My favorite, if you look carefully, is the strip of bacon blowing a cannibalistic bubble.

FOR BRUTALLY BAD BREATH

Your eyes do not deceive you. That is Josef Stalin hawking mints. Commie mints. I imagine this is the kind of thing he had in mind when he set his sights on world domination. Ensuring fresh breath to all of human kind.

PARKING LOT-TERY

Where else but at Wal Mart can you find a station wagon filled with shopping bags and plywood?

A REAL STIFFY (SORRY)

It was already like this. I only took the picture.

THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD

Having a book signing and nobody comes. I went and checked it out. No wonder no one was there. It was crap.