STONE COLD TERROR

Sticking with the creepy Halloween theme, here we have a submission from my bestie, Mr Turdus Migratorus himself. Where he found this, I do not know. But I'm glad he did. I don't know which one is worse, the old perverted winking one or the little sleeping one. I think the sleeping one, because you know he's faking and as soon as you turn away, he opens an eye and looks at you. This is an untold terror.

AMERICAN DREAM

Also in time for Halloween, the costume that defines a nation. What parent doesn't want their daughter to don this costume and strut around the neighbourhood? This makes Uncle Sam Proud.

Thank you to CMcK for this one as well.

TINY PICTURE, HUGE ATTITUDE

This appears to be some kind of gangster witch. Not sure what colours she wears.

Many thanks to CMcK for this.

BUT DOES IT COME WITH A PAPER HAMBURGER?

It's what you're afraid it is. The Hoff, paper doll style. Note the hairy chest. I can send the template to anyone who requests it, and you, too, can own The Hoff. (Yes this was at my desk.)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

What do we have here? Submitted by my #1 fan. I have no idea what the story is, but I ♥ it. Thanks, C McK!!

SOFA KING GROSS

He looks like he posed for this. Not so. This was taken with great discretion, in order to capture the HORROR of his fingernails. Without exaggeration, they were at least five to seven millimetres long (1/8 to 1/4 of an inch, for the American fans). Sadly, he turned his hand just as I snapped the shot. And it was the end of the line so I was denied a second chance. I was so grossed out. So. Grossed. Out.

PARKING LOT-TERY

Where else but at Wal Mart can you find a station wagon filled with shopping bags and plywood?

A POSTCARD OF RED DEER

Quiet street in Red Deer complete with shoes in the power line. Good Times.

SECRET GARDEN

What do you do with an old truck you no longer drive? Park in on the street and plant a garden in the back. Best idea ever.

SPOT THE STAIN

You may wonder why this photograph is on here. Looks like an innocent Jiu-Jitsu tourney. Let me give you a hint:

Liquid diet for two weeks to make weight + half white shorts = grave embarrassment

REALLY?

Why yes, I am wearing a Hillary Duff t-shirt. Thanks for noticing.

A REAL STIFFY (SORRY)

It was already like this. I only took the picture.

THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD

Having a book signing and nobody comes. I went and checked it out. No wonder no one was there. It was crap.

WHY I LOVE BUMS

I walked almost two blocks out of my way to catch a photo of this guy. I spotted him while waiting for a a light to change, and when I got to the other side of the street, I stopped and pretended to rummage through my purse until he went by, and then the stalking began. I'm sure by now you're questioning why I would follow a bum for blocks. Look closely at the picture, the white thing that resembles a go mug is actually a skull of an unidentified animal. And it was wearing a collar. That's why I would follow a bum for blocks. After I took this, I had to run back to work. In high heels.

BOY READING PAPER ON TRAIN

This kid cracked me up/blew my mind on the train. Not only was he reading the paper, he was discussing it with his dad and then tore out an article, folded it neatly and put it in his pocket. And he's what? Nine? I continue to be impressed.

STRUNG OUT

The problem with camera phones is they tend to miss some of the beauty of the actual subject. At first glance, this is a picture of a couple of sketchy characters outside the Chocolate Bar on 17th ave, but upon closer inspection, you will see that the man in white has the ass torn out of his jeans. And if you had seen him live, you would be led to believe, as all the other viewers of this photograph, that he had lost the seat of his pants in some kind of sex-for-drugs exchange. Especially if you had seen him twitch across the street.

TEA PARTY

This little creep show is probably the best nine dollars I have ever spent. If you look at it too long, you get the feeling that it's onto you. It knows what you're thinking. And it approves.

UNDA-CUVAH GRANDMUTHAH

This is one of my more famous photographs. I've been asked if she's for real. As far as I can tell, she's either deep undercover or all too real.

FUNHOUSE

I don't know when it was ever okay for this poster to be manufactured, but it hangs in the Tubby Dog, in beautiful downtown Calgary over this:

the CREEPIEST pinball machine ever.

FABULOUS

Elton John called. He wants his sun glasses back.

ILLUSION

This picture hangs on the wall in my cousin Sarah's bathroom. She claims it's a bathtub and towel, and bathrobe draped over a chair. I very clearly see a bathtub and towel, and some sort of pink monster perched daintily on a chair, hands clasped in front of it, waiting for you to get into the bath. I have never seen the bathrobe.

And no, Pam, I was not sitting on the toilet when this photo was taken.

PICNIC

Now this is the hit of any picnic. About three hours before this picture was taken, I had passed a cat, with a (whole) dead mouse, in my back yard. I didn't chase it away, as I thought it might be rude, considering he was eating his dinner, and when I got back, this is what was on the picnic table.

What a nice gesture.

MY BROTHER THOMAS

As much as I would love to say that this a stranger and I got my hands on this photo, I can't. This is my brother Thomas' last day on the rigs. He decided to go out in style. His driller was nice enough to capture it and send it to me.

I particularly like that there is another phone in the frame, which has obviously just snapped a winner.

CLAIRE AND TOBY

There are many reasons I like this photo. The boat hanging off the side of the house, the old dog lying in the shade, and the boxer looking like he's on a trampoline.

FREE

This is the kind of thing you see in Caroline, Alberta. An old chair, a bathroom scale, and a sign that says,

Free

Free

Note the wooden details and patchwork arms.

THE BEGINNING

And here we have it. I have been capturing the weirdest things I see with a camera phone and posting them on facebook for about a year. As a result of great urging from my adoring fans, I have now turned the little album into the greatest blog known to man. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you MOBILE UPLOADS!!!!!!! **applause**